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A life-changing message from my son Toby

Hope you are well and that the new year is turning out to be your best year ever.

If it’s not, this message I’m about to share with you, could make it your best year ever.

I know that’s a bold statement, but stay with me on this and read on.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, mostly because I’ve been spending a lot of time with my wife Michelle and the kids…we just got back from a month vacation in the US visiting Disneyland, Legoland, other theme parks and spending time with family.

It was a lot of fun to finally bring my three kids Toby, Nathan and Jaime to the US for the first time. And boy did my family and friends get a kick out of their Australian accents!

(I’ve been here for 10 years and mine still hasn’t changed.)

Now that I’m back in my office here in Sydney for the next four weeks, before I head back to the US again at the end of February for some private client engagements, I want to share a story with you that came from my son Toby.


Toby, always happy

If you don’t know about Toby, he is 9 years old (time sure flies) and has Down Syndrome, and because of his special view of the world, he has had a profound impact on the authentic strategies that I teach through my Unlock The Game trust-based selling system.

A few months ago, we were recommended by some family friends that it might be helpful for Toby if we took him to see a Play Therapist. Essentially, a Play Therapist uses games, drawing, arts and crafts, play stuff to bring children out to share things they wouldn’t otherwise share with their family and friends.

Since Toby’s ability to communicate is pretty good, but not completely main stream, we figured we had nothing to lose if we could learn more about what he was thinking.

We had no expectations that anything, let alone something profound would come from his work with his Play Therapist.

Boy were we wrong.

After about the third session with Toby, over a three-week period, we got a call from his Play Therapist asking us to come in and see her.

We of course, made an appointment and went to see her the next day.

We walked into her office and sat down in a small couch in front her desk and here’s what she said to us, word for word:

“Your son Toby is a beautiful boy and I really love working with him. In our last session together, since it’s now our third time together, he’s begun to trust me more and he drew this picture that I’d like to show you.”

She then pulled out this large piece of paper (see image) with a hand drawing of what appears to be a man.

She continued:


Toby’s “Angry Man” drawing

“In our most recent session together, Toby drew this figure and after he drew it, I asked him what it was, and he said ‘It’s the Angry Man’. I then asked him what he meant by that. Through more activities together, he expressed to me that the “Angry Man” represents frustrations that he’s been carrying with him a long time related to his past hospital visits and not being able to express how he really feels at times.”

WOW. I felt like a ton of bricks hit me over the head.

I had no idea that Toby had this “Angry Man” inside of him and that he felt frustrated not being able to tell us the truth of how he felt.

I was so taken back by this, I had to take some time out for a few minutes to gather my composure. (Even as I’m writing this, my body is sort of freezing up momentarily).

She continued to share with us that through a few more sessions with Toby, he should be able to communicate with us in different ways so we can finally understand more about what he’s feeling and thinking.

Discovering Toby’s “Angry Man” got me thinking about the hidden “Angry Man” that liesdeep within every potential client you encounter in your sales process.

This is a very profound statement I’m about to make, which is the core of what my mission has been about for the last ten years since creating Unlock The Game:

If you are still operating under the traditional sales mindset that your goal of the sales process is to focus on making the “sale”, you and your business will struggle not only this year, but every year after that.


Because in this new economy, if you’re not implementing a system for creating trust within every step of your sales process, you’re leaving a tremendous amount of sales opportunities on the “table”.

And, if you’re still reading this, I’ll let you in on a secret that I hope is the ONE thing that will put you on your personal sales breakthrough path for 2013:

Your goal in your sales process is to find the “Angry Man” within your potential clients, and like with Toby, have them open up to you in a very deep way to share their truth with you.

Without addressing the “Angry Man” first in your sales process and creating deep trust early on, you’ll end up chasing clients and feeling like your carrying a heavy burden on your shoulders that will continue to flow into all parts of your life.

The clients and Mentors I’ve been working with all now understand that mastering a system to create trust very early in the sales process brings out the “Angry Man”, makes it go away, allowing the truth of the conversation to emerge, bringing forth the highest quality sales opportunities.

Now more than ever is the time to make a permanent shift in your sales mindset and create genuine trust with your potential clients — and to feel what it’s like to acquire highly profitable clients without confrontation.

To your success,

Ari Galper

Ari Galper

Ari Galper is the world’s number one authority on trust-based selling and is the most sought-after sales conversion expert for Business Owners. His newest book, “Unlock The Sales Game”, has become an instant best-seller worldwide. Ari has been featured in CEO Magazine, Forbes, INC Magazine and the Australian Financial Review. He is considered a contrarian in the sales industry and in his book, everything you learned about selling will be turned upside down. No more chasing, no pressure, no closing.

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  1. Eileen Abasolo

    What an inspiring and encouraging story. Sometimes we take for granted other people’s feelings. We just want to go our way acting like we “know-it-all.” But looking more deeply into it there’s a lot we can learn from others if we only open up and as you say it…Unblocked the game. More power to you and love you Toby!

    Mandaluyong City, Philippines

  2. Barry Friedman

    Two Gifts: Ari, and Toby. Thank you for sharing them both with the world.

    United States

  3. Adam Price

    Having had the pleasure of working with Ari as one of his original UTG coaches in the early days and knowing and playing with little Toby, watching him grow up, and the lessons he’s taught me and Ari’s family has left a permanent positive indentation in my heart and life.

    This lesson of the “Angry Man” is profound, and to take this lesson a step further, we need to create our own version of “play therapy” in our own lives, first… So we can address our own “Angry Man” deep inside us.

    The “Angry Man” inside of ourselves can cause all sorts of catastrophes in our lives (including our sales efforts).

    If we all had a little “Play Therapy” with our “Angry Man” inside us each day, then achieving rapport with others would be simpler, because we’re authentic and have control of ourselves first and foremost.

    The mindset that Ari teaches and lives by, is something so rare in society these days and I’ve never known anyone to have such a calm and level headed way of living life (and doing business).

    The man who masters himself is a LUCKY man indeed and Ari is walking example of this.

    I feel so very lucky that I can call Ari my good friend and to have spent the time I have learning from him and the beautiful Mr. Toby!

    Thanks Ari 🙂


  4. Kendall Hayes

    Beautiful and powerful Ari.
    Thank you for sharing and I hope to see you at the BB conference next week 🙂

    Sydney, Australia

  5. Mia

    Hi Ari, having met you a number of times I know the sincerity in the story you shared and in your motivation and drive to assist others be the best they can in sales and in general. Business is such a powerful medium in influencing change. With people spending most a high portion of their waking hours at work anything that facilitates a workplace that is based on high ethics, truth, trust and Care for Clients will make happier staff and a better World. I Appreciate how you Walk you Talk Ari.

    Sydney NSW

  6. Gary Daly

    Thanks Ari 🙂


  7. Bob Hilsmeier

    Ari, Thank you for sharing these comments from Toby. This was very profound. I also want to congratulate you on having the wisdom to spend the time you did with your wonderful family.

    United States

  8. Mike Simmons

    Mate, I’ve been around sales for a very long time and have been to every sales seminar on earth. Hands down, you and your Unlock The Game system is better than anything I’ve experienced before. The world needs to know you better Ari…and I’m contacting your office to bring you in to do your magic with our sales teams.

    Sydney, Australia

  9. Vicky Manning

    Ari, this is truly profound, the “Angry Man” concept is now emblazoned in my mind. Thank you for making the world a better place.

    Phoenix, AZ